Bed

Dozing

The commute is long and arduous. In order to properly tackle the day, it's necessary to make sure you're as well rested as a human being can be. In order to do this, Kallet fully utilizes nap time on the train. The days go by but the style remains the same:

• Glasses/contacts off
• Cell phone alarm set
• Mouth wide open
• Brain powered down

Despite the cell phone alarm being set to wake Kallet up in time for his stop, this is not a guarantee that he will still wake up for this. Without fellow commuters to make sure he gets off the train, Hoboken, the final stop, will be his destination. Still, others have tried and failed to wake this editor in the making. In short, it is never certain that Kallet will get off the train where he needs to.

The Slumbering Child

via MattyFreeds

I was with Kallet and Amanda, It was ten of nine on a Monday morning, and incredibly, the first hour of our commute had been incident free. Lumbering down the stairs at Secaucus Junction, we hurried to catch our connecting train to Penn Station. Just as the doors were closing, the three of us crammed into an already full vestibule and settled next to a small child that was sleeping peacefully in her stroller. Amanda and I both grabbed on tightly to the hand rail and implored Kallet to do the same. We knew the train was about to lurch forward, and were afraid someone might fall onto the baby. As usual, Kallet simply crossed his arms and eagerly continued our conversation (which was on the workout schedule of the Knicks Dancers). Both Amanda and myself implored Kallet to grab a handrail, of which he refused. As Kallet dangerously swayed back and forth with the train's movement, his heavy backpack threatened to crush the child should he slip. I noticed the mother continuously shooting worried glances our way, and after some argument, Kallet grudgingly took hold of the rail and eased everyone's fear for the child's safety. Everything went smoothly for the rest of the ride, but when the train doors opened, Kallet spun violently to face the door. His backpack came at the child like a sledge hammer, and the mother had to reach out and block the bag from turning her baby's head into gerber peas. Completely oblivious, Kallet exited the train enthusiastically quoting Jerry Seinfeld.

Jolted

Via Amanda:

"On one of my first days commuting into the city for my new job, I was blessed with the company of Bradley Kallet. Being an old childhood friend, I assumed our conversations would be spent catching up and talking about our new jobs and lives out in the real world…Little did I know the events that were about to occur during my morning commutes.
It seemed that Kallet has a weird phobia of holding any sort of hand rails on New Jersey Transit trains, because it wasn’t a rare occurrence that he would fall over and/or into random commuters. There was one day that vividly sticks out in my mind. Kallet and I were in one of the open areas of the trains where seats are lined against the windows (so there is lots of open space for Kallet to fall). The train's rocking, he’s wobbling and refusing to hold on, as I'm standing with him with his arms crossed. One large jerk later, and the next thing I see is Bradley Kallet fall FACE first/arms still crossed into a big set of boobs (attached to a woman sitting helplessly). After he dives into her chest, he rebounds off, and crashes into the window, head first, screaming “Jesus CHRIST!” with oh so perfect timing. After vigorously apologizing to each person he has upset that early in the morning, Kallet exits the train and heads off for his normal day at work.
Thank you Mr.Kallet for making my commutes a little more enjoyable."

Slumber

Some time ago, Kallet sat next to Matt Riscinti on the train in one of the two seaters. They chatted for a few minutes (presumably about 80's movies or the Mets). He put in his headphones and quite literally 10 seconds later he was snoring. I left him in peace until we reached Secaucus where I nudged him and noticed he had drool going down his right cheek.

Tickets

Kallet was going into the city for an interview and was dressed to impress. It turned out, he purchased the wrong ticket for his commute. When the conductor strolled by, he looked down at the ticket and simply stared at Kallet, without saying a word. Then the conductor said, "Sir, you have to get off the train." Kallet was speechless, sure he would miss his interview.

Then the conductor burst out laughing and said "Just kidding. you owe me 4 dollars."

So luckily, he made it to his interview on time only to find out he dressed a little too well to impress.

Umbrella

It's raining pretty steadily today and due to the inclement weather, there are working umbrellas everywhere. But not Brad's. I hope you can see that one of the arms on this umbrella is completely broken and the fabric does not cover all of him. It does not work in the wind and it definitely was a little more than breezy today. But really, it's the perfect umbrella for him.

He does need to learn how to use it better though. Here's a little guide to follow:

Step 1: Close your umbrella before you get onto the train. Brad decided to force his umbrella into the train while it was still open and it got caught on the door. He tried to yank it through until Freeds told him to close so he could get through the door.

Step 2: Don't open your umbrella on the train. Especially when there is no space. Actually, never open your umbrella on the train. Brad decided to show this jumble of metal rods and fabric off today and nearly took out the eyes of the people around him.

Step 3: Use an umbrella that's not broken. See picture above.

Garbage Can Contacts

Neglecting the comfort of his own home he decided to put his contacts in while in Secaucus. So where is the most sanitary place to do that? Of course it’s on the garbage can on the platform. Standing right behind Brad was an optometrist with a disgusted look on his face. I've never seen one person look so disgusted before.